The lights are smarter than me

Chad installed some new outdoor lights on the front of our house. I know, you're probably thinking that our old lamps were beautiful. The combination of plastic panes - in frosted orange, or course - and black iron never really go out of style, do they? This coming from the woman who currently has a two-globe orange (glass) '70s lamp in her living room.

So we got some coach-style lights - black/bronze metal with clear glass panes (clear glass! what a novel concept!). When I say "we got some lights", I mean that my mom and dad had some lights hanging around, and we pilfered them. Regardless of how old you are, free stuff from Mom and Dad is always good. :)

The new lights have a photocell - on at dusk, off at dawn. As Chad was putting them up, I asked him: So, if these lights only go on at night, how are we supposed to test them? He looked at me, a little bit puzzled; he then placed his hand over the photocell. Like that, he said. Oh. Lights - 1. Danielle - 0.

Then, Chad asked if I wanted a fourth light out in the backyard. I hesitated. Well, I don't want there to be a light on all night in the backyard, I said. Doofus, said Chad, you still have control over the light. It's called a light switch. D'oh. Lights - 2. Danielle - 0.

My brain, having been overwhelmed by teaching math, has apparently taken a vacation from logic.

...and now for a (cough) post from my sister

My sister has asked me to (sniff) post on her (hack) behalf (snort) that she's (Danielle! I'm sick!) not feeling (hhhaargh) very well these (snerf) days. She's so ill, that I've run out of onomatopeia. And tissues.

...and the new class is going well

I'm currently teaching a refresher course in both Math and English.

What's that, you say? Danielle, you don't have your Education degree, much less have any expertise in (snicker) Math (snicker).

Yes, I know. I'm not the person you're going to call if you have any Math problems. But I figured that this trait of mine (i.e., Math incompetence) was actually a good thing in the whole teaching field.

What's that, you say? How can being incompetent actually help?

Well, first off, since I'm not naturally adept at Math, I've got to work a little bit harder at understanding it myself before I teach it. Then, when I get to work, I'm able to teach more effectively because I know what it's like to not understand fractions. Notice how I'm able to justify pretty much anything?

Yes, I still don't have my Education degree, but I'm enjoying teaching adults. I can hear my mother sighing. I told you so.

The Birds

I feel as though I'm in Hitchcock's The Birds. There are currently hundreds of gulls squawking in the skies. Well, it seems as though there are that many gulls. The sky is littered with them, and the squawks pass over my house back and forth, back and forth. What I don't quite get is this:

1) We live in Saskatchewan. Yet it sounds as though we've got ocean-front property. It's a bit disconcerting.

2) Why do these birds stay up all night? Literally. 8:00 p.m., they're squawking. 10:00 p.m., they're squawking. 12:00 a.m., they're squawking. 2:00 a.m., they're squawking. You get the drift.

It's all a bit creepy. I keep expecting little birds to come swooping down through the fireplace, and for hundreds of birds to use nearby playground equipment as their permanent roosting place.

Medieval tech support...

A neighbour and friend just passed along this YouTube file, and I've decided that this is so me. Especially in cases where I download a word file to a temporary internet thingy, work on it for hours, save the file, close my internet window, and promptly lose my file.

"What?!? You mean that when I saved my file, I saved it only temporarily?"

The sad thing of it is that this has happened more than once. You'd think that I'd learn.

Please note, however, that there is a spelling error in the translation. He's not afraid of loosing his text, he's afraid of losing his text. That spelling error drives me insane.

I ought to rename my blog...

I think I ought to rename my blog to Hypochondriac's Corner. Thus far today, I've self-diagnosed two broken toes, I've self-diagnosed an ulcer, I've self-diagnosed a caffeine addiction, and I've self-diagnosed a sleeping disorder (hyperacusis, anyone?). The day is only half over. Chad ought to take away my internet. I'm certain I'll self-diagnose another half-dozen (surely terminal) diseases by dinner. The Fatalist Hypochondriac's Corner. That'll be my new blog name. :)

A Haiku on Ulcers

Have a sore tummy
No coffee for me today
Ready for naptime

Recent posts...

Some of my most recent posts...

March 30, 2007

Truisms on Being Sick

Whining will get you chocolate.

The only thing worse than taking a may-cause-drowsiness cold medication before bed is taking a may-cause-alertness antihistamine before bed.

Taking one type of antihistamine, another type of antihistamine, and a combined-symptom cold medication is no guarantee that your nose will stop running and that your eyes will stop watering.

A knock-you-off-your-feet cold/bronchitis/pneumonia/help me I'm dying! kind of illness is an easy way to rapidly lose weight. A pound a day, to be precise, and counting.

Eventually, your family will get sick of you saying: "Guess what? I'm sick. I know I've been stoic and haven't complained much, but I'm sick.", and will begin to ignore you.

Even the most hardy of people will avoid you. Nothing scares people more than a red-nosed woman carrying a family-sized box of lotioned tissue in one hand, and clutching a fistful of soggy tissues in the other hand.

There's not sufficient lotion in the world to make tissues soft enough.

You can take a three-hour nap, and people will thank you for removing yourself (the walking biohazard that you are) from society, thus contributing to the overall health and well-being of our community.

March 29, 2007

D. Gaudet, GMD

My husband has given me a new name: Danielle Gaudet, GoogleMD (or, GMD for short). This is the gist of our MSN conversation yesterday:

Me: "I think I have viral pneumonia."

Chad: "You don't have pneumonia."

Me: "I have a fever. Colds don't come with fevers."

Chad: "Fine, then, you have pneumonia."

Me: "No. Wait. Apparently you can get a fever with a cold."

Chad: "Fine, then. You have a cold."

Me: "Wait...wait just a minute. Nope. Nope, I definitely have viral pneumonia."

Chad (whose sigh could be heard over MSN): "Are you googling your symptoms again?"

Me: "...no."

Chad: "You are googling your symptoms, aren't you?"

Me: "Alright. Yes. I'm googling my symptoms. I'm dying here!"

Chad: "You're not dying."

Me: "Am so."

Chad (sighs again): "Okay. You're dying. What does the website say to do?"

Me: "Buy me chocolates. None of that waxy Easter stuff, either. It says specifically to buy the afflicted person (who's mere days away from their fate) Belgian chocolates. Preferably handmade."

Chad: "It doesn't say that."

Me: "Does so."

Notice how we regress to the age of twelve when we argue over my impending death?

Springtime excavations

My backyard has turned into some sort of archaeological dig. Unearthed are the remnants of the girls' winter play - shovels to dig tunnels, boards turned into makeshift tables, dried flowers in a plastic jug to create a centrepiece. I just bought a few bird feeders, and I'm already looking through the Lee Valley catalogue to see what I can get for my backyard (alright, so a hammock tops the list - it's not all about work!).

Archive

I've archived my old blog at archive.daniellegaudet.com

I'll copy and paste my most recent blogs (for your reading ease). The main purpose of switching to this new blogging platform is to simplify my life, in terms of reducing spam (comments and trackback pings). I should also be able to add photos a little more easily (so expect to see photos of cats, my flat prairie surroundings, and my--sometimes disastrous--home and garden improvements).

Trying out a new format

Hey! Just trying out a new format for my blog. Keep posted for updates.